On this journey i have come to realize a couple of things, 1) one cannot truly understand this journey unless you are walking ( i say walking b/c i believe that you truly never stop )( at least for most and you'll see in a bit why i say most) this journey. 2) there are just some who are rude, insensitive and or self absorbed people in this world. This has truly been shown to me over this past week. Last night i recieved a text from an aunt who lives out of state saying " all i want for x-mas is a financial blessing and for my kids to be happy" which i text back "well all i want is my baby in my arms". I mean i don't know maybe i am just overly sensitive right now, but that struck a chord. I mean who doesn't want there kids to be happy. But it's not like you don't know that my angel is not here with me, you know this is my second loss, why would you send me things about your children. Maybe it kinda bothered me b/c she is always sending me texts ending with love her, her hubby's name, her childrens names followed by family. Yes i am glad that you have a family and that you all are doing well, but honestly right now i don't wanna hear about them or the new baby and how they run you ragged sometimes. I mean i wish i could be holding my camron right now ( which he would be three months now) and even greater i would love to be holding him with xavien still in my oven baking. But that is not my reality right now and i'd rather be left out of the mass texts.But as i have said our journey is not something you can understand unless you are walking it. Then there is my SIL (which i have 7 so i will call her SIL#2). Well a few days after i get out the hospital SIL#2 calls supposedly to check up on me. I thought that okay well she has been through this before so certainly she knows what i'm going through, so i tell her that i have been balling my eyes out, well after telling her that you wouldn't know that i had told her anything b/c she proceeds with telling me how she's been crying for 4 days straight b/c her and her boyfriend broke up, and how people at work or treating her badly and how she can't bellieve people can be so mean and how she was told that her ex-husband and his new wife are expecting. I mean really! You think i want to hear all this right now. Yes you are hurting right now, but do you really think i 'm the one to call about your problems. I have my own hurt to deal with. Then to top that off, she calls me the other day to ask me if i still have the tape of her when she was pg, b/c she doesn't know why but she wants to watch it. I mean COME ON! why would you even call me and ask me about that. Can someone really be that dense? Especially someone who has had a mc. Yes it's been like 4 yrs since, but how can you forget what it's like? How do you forget that pain? God i pray that i don't forget. Yes it's painful at times, but i don't want to forget, i want to be a help to people and encouragement for them. I wouldn't trade the memory of my babies for anything. They are more than memories, they are a part of me. But i am going to end this on a good note and say THANK GOD for the people he put in my life to cancel out the bad that i run into every now and again. THANK GOD
Thankful for poop on the floor!
4 weeks ago