Today i decided to be thankful. Not to dwell on all the things that could have been or should have been done. Not on loss or lonelyness. Not to think about yesterday or worry about tomorrow because yesterday is over and there's nothing i can change in it and tomorrow will have it's own set of things to deal with when it comes. So today i decided that instead of wallowing in the hurt and the bad that i am going to focus on the good. Though my year has been hard and trying i have chosen to focus on the blessing within it. Even when it seems like i have no one god still gives me signs that he is still around and carrying me through my storm. All i had to do was pay attention. So today i chose to look and listen, and i am thankful. I am thankful b/c through it all he has shown me that i am not alone in this journey. I have my family. My wonderful husband who holds me , cries with me or just holds me as i cry, who tells me that i am beautiful and how much he loves me. I have my mother and my sister who held my hands and cried with me while i gave birth to my beautiful baby girl who left this earth too soon, the encourage me and tell me to keep my faith, they quote gods word to me and let me know that all is not lost, the call and check on me to make sure i am okay, they e-mail me just to let me know they love me. I am thankful for my grandmother who took care of me when i got out of the hospital, i didn't have to lift a finger if i didn't want to for three days, and who calls to check on me and lets me know i was on her mind. I am thankful for my uncle who brought me a card and chocolate and told me he loves me and he is here for me. I am thankful for my mother in law who makes sure i am okay and encourages me to keep my faith, my sis in law who calls just to make me smile. I am thankful for my church family who lets me know they love me and that i am in their prayers. I am thankful that i found the website www.ourmiscarriage.com b/c without it i don't know if i would still be sane write now, and lastly but especially not least i am thankful for the wonderful women that i met on the website who know exactly how i feel and that i am truly not alone. They allow me to lean on them when i am week, they support and encourage me to hold on, who are strong for me when i can't be, who also strengthen me by allowing me to be strong for them, to be the knot at the end of their rope when they can't tie, for the virtual hugs and exchanges of rainbows, hope , prayers and baby dust. For all of these things i am TRULY THANKFUL! God has shown me that i am not alone, though i may feel like it at times he has shown me that he has always been there and always will be, i just have to pay attention and i am sure that if you think about it, you will find that he has not left you either that he is there. Just look for the signs.
Hugs and Love