Today i am lost. I suppose i could just say it's a dip on this rollercoaster ride that i am on. Though I know i'm not, i still fee so alone at this moment, well maybe not alone but empty, would be a better word. Yes that's it empty, wishing that all of this was just a big nightmare, that i would wake up and my belly would still be filled with my beautiful baby. But it isn't a nightmare, it's real, my second angel is gone, she is in heaven with her brother. Today i have done what i refused to do yesterday, I cried and cried and cried. I cried until there was nothing left, then i lay silently until i had more tears and i cried some more. I cry even now as i write this. Today i asked god why, hoping that maybe if he made me understand, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, but there is no answer, so i remain broken , all the while still hopeful, wishing that my hope could replace the hurt, but unfortunately it doesn't, so today i cry but i still have hope. I will hold an earthly baby oneday. Though i'm in a rough patch i will remain faithful b/c i truly know that god is able, but right now i cry.
Thankful for poop on the floor!
4 weeks ago