Monday, December 7, 2009

Broken

Today i am lost. I suppose i could just say it's a dip on this rollercoaster ride that i am on. Though I know i'm not, i still fee so alone at this moment, well maybe not alone but empty, would be a better word. Yes that's it empty, wishing that all of this was just a big nightmare, that i would wake up and my belly would still be filled with my beautiful baby. But it isn't a nightmare, it's real, my second angel is gone, she is in heaven with her brother. Today i have done what i refused to do yesterday, I cried and cried and cried. I cried until there was nothing left, then i lay silently until i had more tears and i cried some more. I cry even now as i write this. Today i asked god why, hoping that maybe if he made me understand, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, but there is no answer, so i remain broken , all the while still hopeful, wishing that my hope could replace the hurt, but unfortunately it doesn't, so today i cry but i still have hope. I will hold an earthly baby oneday. Though i'm in a rough patch i will remain faithful b/c i truly know that god is able, but right now i cry.

6 comments:

DeniFay said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard day. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that you just need to let it out! You are hopeful, you are gracious, you are strong, but sometimes we just need a good cry! Sending love and prayers your way!! Love you!

Nan & Mike said...

Hi honey, I agree with Deni, just let it out. If you held this in you would not be on the path to healing. I know you miss your babies, we are missing them with you. Love, Nan xoxoxoxo

The Blue Sparrow said...

Hi Shandrea, Im Jennifer. I found your blog through Nan's. I am so sorry that your having a rough day. They are sometimes so overpowering its hard to see anything but our grief. I also agree with Nan and Deni, let yourself feel the way you do. Let it out. You are not alone here. Ill be praying for you, and Im so sorry that were are on this journey toghether. *HUGS*

Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I would love to mail you a handkerchief from my blog. "For Your Tears" Please send me you full name and address and I will get that in the mail to you. I came over from the Reiber's. Take care and God Bless. I will pray for your comfort and strength. dpucci9972@gmail.com

Andrea said...

Hello Sunshine....

Cry that river and then some more, as I find those tears help to cleanse the soul. It's normal to long for your babies. I long for Christian every day and still walk down "what if" road in search of answers. Some days I find the answers I am looking for and some days I just walk. Give yourself lotts of time and don't push yourself to be strong, its ok to just "be" and cry those tears for your babies. You are in a particularly difficult situation and I only wish I could take this pain from you.

Through all this pain you still remain an inspiration to me. A sweet girl, loving, kind and full of faith and hope despite her struggles. Know that Deni, Nan and I are here for you...always :) And, I will tie that rope for you, just as you have tied mine.

Love and prayers my sweet friend...

Holly said...

I believe tears offer a great release so just let them fall. I'm so sorry you walk this road.

Post a Comment