Thursday, December 24, 2009

Bitter Sweet

This week has truly been bittersweet. It all started monday morning at 6:39am when i got a call from my mother informing me that my sister has gone into labor and they are on the way to the hospital, (bittersweet) i was excited and conflicted all at the same time. Should i stay or should i go? I want to be there, this is my sister, she wants me there, she would be hurt if i wasnt. So in that moment, i decided to go, to be there in the room like we planned from the beginning, i mean i was gonna be down there for x-mas anyway so a few days early wouldn't matter, so i gathered my things and off on a 2 and half hour drive i went. i made to the hospital in time, she was only at 5cm. so there i was in the room with her, excited and sad all at the same time. This should have been a happy occasion, i should have been anticipating what i would be going through with xavien, or i should have been excited to introduce camron to his new cousin, but i am not and at that moment it was okay. She delivered a beautiful 5lb 13oz baby girl at 6:02 pm, i was there through it, i held her legs and cheered her on to push, i was strong, i held it togeather until my niece made her arrival , and then she cried announcing her arrival into the world, and at that moment i was weak, i kissed my sister and told her she did good and then i made my exit to the nearest restroom , slid to the floor and cried . Cried for my my babies , for me , for the short time that we got to spend togeather. It's crazy how i could feel such joy and utter sadness all at once, talk about a ball of emotions. So now i am here at my moms trying to hold strong, enduring all the excitement and baby talk, and pictures and more talk, wishing i could just go home back to my house and curl up in my bed and not move, but i cant b/c i know if i said i was leaving that it would hurt my moms feelings and i would rather me cry than her cry, so i am still here trying to keep a happy face while i feel as though i am slowly dying inside, but that's okay, i can handle it (can't i ?) so as long as they are happy. So in an attempt not to fall apart, i am doing as andrea said to me ( lol) i am faking it until i make it, i have one more day and then i can go home, i can do one more day. right. of course i can and soon this bittersweet week will be over.

5 comments:

klarsen said...

Shandrea,

You are in my thoughts, prayers - and HEART. What a wonderful sister you are. I don't know that I could be that strong. God will provide you the strength you need and your beautiful angels are smiling down on you.

Praying for your peace, comfort and strength, with love,
Katy

Just Breathe said...

Bless you for going and helping your sister. I pray for your comfort. ((HUGS))

Andrea said...

Grace,

Many of you may not know, but my nick name for Shandrea is Amazing Grace and this post only confirms the name.

Sweet friend, I cry again as I read this post, as I hurt with you. I pray to God and ask him to watch over "my sister of the HEART" and guide her through this storm. He will, I am faithful :)

Right now, we weather the storm and "Fake it till We MAKE IT" (Thanks Holly, as I borrowed the line from you) Sweet girl, we WILL make it, hand in hand, to the finish line we go!

Love and Many, Many prayers, as our Angels are spending Christmas with Jesus this year.

xoxo

Angie said...

Dear Shandrea !

You are amazing to be able to go through this! So many emotions you have felt the last week you must be exhausted .
You are fantastic to be there for your sister after what´ you have been through , your heart is still healing yet you have so much strength within you .
I pray for continued strength for you and all of us who are struggling to " fake it until we make it "
Im just after coming home from my mothers house where I have tried to keep up some normality .
AF arrived on Christmas Eve as I had feared it would and my heart broke but yet I had to keep myself together in order not to ruin the CChristmas atmosphere at home for the rest of the family .
I so much hope the next year will be better !
I cant wait until this year is over .
Im praying for you - love Angie H

DeniFay said...

Sweet girl, I love you and am praying for you! you can do one more day, then I order you home to take good care of yourself for a few days!! Blessings to you as we move to a hopefully much better year!!

Post a Comment