Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
So again i say thank you to butterflymom for thinking of me. You just don't know how much your kindness lifts my spirits ;O)
And now for the rules:
1. Accept the award and post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to 10 other bloggers that you have newly discovered. (Now they probably won't be newly discoverd because i don't have a lot of those, though i could give it back to butterflymom , but i wouldn't want to play ping pong now would I ;o) )
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they have been chosen.
So here are my 10 ;O)
There are many more lovely blogs that i would have love to put but for one the rules say on 10 and for two if i did put them all i would be here all night:O) .
p.s Andrea I wanted to put you but you were already nominated ;O) but hey i still linked your blog just now huh;O) LoL
Saturday, September 25, 2010
bleeding has stopped. contractions appear to have stopped/slowed down. waiting on test results to see if she is to stay in L&D or get to go home.
Update to the Update:
Good news . Tests negative. She's going home. but please continue to pray .
I love you katy and we are praying for you. ((HUGS))
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
I'm glad that you've stopped by to let me know that yes i do still have eggs
that i still have a chance at one day turning one those eggs into a baby.
A baby that i will hopefully one day get to keep.
I could do without the bloating, cramps and sore boobs (think about that on your next visit)
Although I'm glad to say hello please feel free at anytime to just as quickly go;o)
Friday, September 17, 2010
The pictures do it no justice. It is simply beautiful!
Did one of you actually make this ? or was it each of you made a piece? However you did it I love it and i can't stop staring and smiling at it;o)
Words aren't enough to express the thoughtfulness, kindess and love shown to me since i've started this jouney. They aren't enough to express my gratitude, and Love for the women who uplift me. Though this is a journey that i wouldn't choose for myself or any other of the wonderful women i've met, I am glad that i am walking it with you. Yes the grief is heavy at times, but God has certainly chosen a select group of women. To love and care so deeply for not just your own pain and grief but for those around you as well . I can say that b/c i've run into women IRL who have had m/c's and seem to not be fazed by it one bit, and i don't mean the she's just trying to stay strong in public facade. I mean who truly don't seem to be bothered by it at all. But here, God has placed with me many wonderful beautiful people to help me when i am down, to keep my spirit up when i feel it's waining away. I wish i had my own private plane because i would fly to each of you and just hug you. I love you all so much. But again words just arent enough.
Deni, Nan, Andrea, Angie you are the ladies that so gracefully and lovingly reached out to me when i first began this journey. You have been by my side ever since, with calls , cards , texts, gift's and most importantly love and support.
Karen,Katy, Missy, Wendy,Lori, Becky, Heather, Holly and Kristie My Threads of Hope Pieces of Joy Though that was the book from the biblestudy where i got to you a little better;o) That is what you all give me with even the smallest gesture of e-mails and gifts like this one.
Matter of Factly that is what all of you are to me. My threads of hope and actually more than pieces, but my joy. I can say all of this, but yet these words aren't enough. So once you read this just do me a favor and wrap your arms around yourselves really tight and give yourself a big hug from me.
Loving My Angels
p.s. I need addresses. If i don't already have yours I need it. You can e-mail it to me email@example.com
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Emotionally I have been all over the place for the past week and a half, I feel like a crazy person. I have so so so much hope but yet I still cry. I can say that some of the crying has been out of happiness for others (which i'm glad about) but the most part it's from being sad, or hurt or frustrated, At the smallest things. and i do mean small. case and point: the other day i was getting ready for church and upon heading out the door i couldn't find my medicine that i needed to take and only after a few seconds of not remembering where i put it , i bust into tears and I'm not even sure why I was so frustrated. and of course when i found them they were right in my face. I think it is time that along with finding a peri that i find a therapist as well.
On the peri front, thanks to the Help of my Fab4 we have narrowed the search down to a few doctors. so now i am just doing my best to be patient and see where the road takes me.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
1. will i one day become a hermit b/c i can't go out in public because i seem to get attacked by precious babies and big pg bellies.
2. will i one day pass out in a store b/c i sometimes hold my breath when i see a belly to keep from crying?
3. and if i were to become said hermit, will i starve to death because i can't go out to get me anything to eat?
4. Can one get dehydrated from crying so much?
Also today i found a peri that seems to be highly rated to get a second opinion from. I mean some said that her bedside manner sucks but they would still see her because she is very good at what she does. This would seem to be good news right? Well duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh she only does one consultation a week and she doesn't have any openings until january and on top of that the secretary said she had to give her my info and why i want to talk to her and then she will call me back to let me know IF she will see me! so not only is this appt after january but it's not even a sure one yet. Geesh!
so in hearing this news it made me wonder
1. maybe i can go stay with my mom for a bit and see if i can find a peri there?
2. Is the sims3 the only place where i can have the family i want?
This is what sometimes happens when my mind wanders.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
So I'm getting back on track. I am ever so thankful to all of my beautiful BLM's and other beautiful friends who have held me up when i couldn't. I thankful to God who loves me even when I'm not loving him.
So I end this post today with this song because even when I don't feel it, even when i'm sad, and down I am determined to speak life into situations, to say aloud that i believe and at times when it's too much I am still going to lift my hands in
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I am just hurt. Truly truly hurt. So many things going through my mind. How Cams due date is in two days. How had I not failed him and he made it, he would be turning 1. How i miss him. How i miss them. How i am jealous that so many have been blessed with what I want so badly. I have cousins younger than me not even over the age of 21 who are pg . One who has a son that just turned 1 and is pg with another baby due at the end of this year. not married , father is not involved, barely making it and yet she has what i want and it all seems so unfair.
What if i can't carry a child to term. What if I would need someone to carry my baby for me? would i be able to do it? Honestly I don't want to find out. I know that right now it may seem selfish , but at this moment this is where i am . I want to carry my child i want to see my belly grow, I want to feel his or her kicks. Right now sucks. I have no happy after thoughts. right now i am just stuck in my own self pity. I'm stuck with the what if's and why's and hows. I hear people complaining about being pg and i get angry b/c i'd love to have that problem. I welcome it with open arms.
but i don't have that problem. My problem is a stupid cerclage that i have to go and have removed now, that i'm hoping and prayin hasn't left and infection as i have been having cramps lately. But i will do like this blog that i got from Deni's page and praise him anyway. As i know that things could be a lot worse and that God has brought me through so much already.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
The word says it best:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
I am so over this season ( over as meaning i am tired of it.) I am tired of the crying, i'm tired of the sadness , i'm tired of the gloom, i'm tired of wishing, and wanting and waiting. I am so ready to walk into my season. I'm ready to smile again without tears following a few hours or days later. I want this sorrow to go away. Right now just sucks and I don't wanna be in this place. I'm tired of this place. It's cold, sometimes dark, lonely and just plain sad.
I want this storm to be over. I want off this darn roller coaster. I want to smile again. I want my time to laugh and dance and love . Only this time I want to love a baby hear alive and healthy.