Saturday, September 11, 2010

So here I am at this moment. After having such a tough week. after not being myself. I sit here at a cross roads. Yesterday was better than thursday and the days before. That is until...................duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh ........................ yes a friend of mine is pg. But what can you do. It's not the first i've heard and it won't be the last. So I breathe deeply, suck it up and try to find something to do. I call my pastors wife. She gives me the talk that i need and helps me to get back to myself. Which i am glad. I don't like being the person i was this week. I know that there will be days that i am not happy or that i switch back and forth but i just hate that i let it get to me so. Today has been good and i've been thinking that from now on i'm going to do my best to stay positive that I'm going to cry, but that's okay, i can still speak positive no matter what i'm feeling. I read Andrea's post from friday which only helped me and reinforced what i have decided.

So I'm getting back on track. I am ever so thankful to all of my beautiful BLM's and other beautiful friends who have held me up when i couldn't. I thankful to God who loves me even when I'm not loving him.

So I end this post today with this song because even when I don't feel it, even when i'm sad, and down I am determined to speak life into situations, to say aloud that i believe and at times when it's too much I am still going to lift my hands in
"Total Praise"
Total Praise
Richard Smallwood





Loving My Angels

6 comments:

Antoinette said...

im so sorry I triggered you Shandrea =**( that was not my intensions at all...that is why i left it very vague and asked for those who wanted to know more to request the other blog....i feel awful now...((((hugs))))...I took lots of words and advice from Andrea's blog as well to 'live in today'....thanks for supporting me anyway

Andrea said...

Good Morning Sunshine,

I am so very sorry that you are hurting and I completely understand the feelings in this post. I relate closely to all of the emotions attached to reading yet another announcement. As Ann said, it's a trigger, and the emotions that are set forth are often feelings that we can not explain. I've been in this situation myself and found myself feeling thoughts that were less than flattering and I disliked myself for what I felt. But, in the end, we have to cut ourselves some slack and realize that we ARE Human. We feel and we hurt and we can not always side step raw emotion.

This has been a very difficult week honey and I do not hold anything against you for how you are feeling. It's normal and those of us who love you have stood where you are and we don't feel negative toward you, we just hold you tighter and love you more. Don't look back on this situation, just look forward. There is no need to apologise for your feelings, as they were honest and real. The beauty in this is that you knew you did not like how you felt and you saught advisement from someone that you trust and acknowledged your feelings....that is progress honey.

We can not always "choose today", but the promise rings true in knowing we CAN Choose tomorrow.

Love you so much sweet girl and I'm sorry your heart is aching. I will continue to pray for you always.

xoxoxo

Shandrea said...

No not you Ann. I a friend that i grew up with. She now lives in another state. (Not a BLM) that i grew up with. I'm sorry i wasn't clear ono that. Love you.

Angie H said...

Hi my friend .

Its good to hear that you are ready to choose the positive .I like Andreas post too.

So sorry you had a hard week , my heart is aching as I read your posts .
I wish I could do something to take it away .
Im sad myself for the moment as I am grieving my second loss so I can relate to how you feel .
I wish I had some magic remedy for those feelings .I think about you and pray for you .
I think all you feel is ok and normal but yet I understand how hard it is to go through a period of grief .I hope tomorrow will be better for both of us , lets try to look forward and try to hope again .
LOVE Angie

DeniFay said...

I had two of those announcements this week. Two already mommies, who have children and are now going to have their second children before I have any. They were both so very kind about it, but it did leave my spirit broken, not for them, and I'm happy for them. Just sad it's not me! But I am with you honey--I'm choosing today to move from the grief to the positive, knowing that God can and will do immeasurably great things. Clinging to that promise and being grateful for the support of my sweet and wonderful Fab4!!! So much love to you!

Holly said...

Those announcements can sting. I think it is wonderful you look for the positive in things. You can still speak good and positive things no matter what you are feeling.

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