I am just hurt. Truly truly hurt. So many things going through my mind. How Cams due date is in two days. How had I not failed him and he made it, he would be turning 1. How i miss him. How i miss them. How i am jealous that so many have been blessed with what I want so badly. I have cousins younger than me not even over the age of 21 who are pg . One who has a son that just turned 1 and is pg with another baby due at the end of this year. not married , father is not involved, barely making it and yet she has what i want and it all seems so unfair.
What if i can't carry a child to term. What if I would need someone to carry my baby for me? would i be able to do it? Honestly I don't want to find out. I know that right now it may seem selfish , but at this moment this is where i am . I want to carry my child i want to see my belly grow, I want to feel his or her kicks. Right now sucks. I have no happy after thoughts. right now i am just stuck in my own self pity. I'm stuck with the what if's and why's and hows. I hear people complaining about being pg and i get angry b/c i'd love to have that problem. I welcome it with open arms.
but i don't have that problem. My problem is a stupid cerclage that i have to go and have removed now, that i'm hoping and prayin hasn't left and infection as i have been having cramps lately. But i will do like this blog that i got from Deni's page and praise him anyway. As i know that things could be a lot worse and that God has brought me through so much already.
Loving My Angels