Thursday, December 3, 2009

Didn't know my own Strength

I saw this quote in an e-mail that someone sent me and i thought "wow, how fitting" it said
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the ONLY choice that you have"
I mean, wow! How true is that. I never thought in a million years that i could endure this kind of pain, not once but twice in the same year. But as the quote said when being strong is your only choice what do you do, i mean there are a few other choices but to me being strong is best one. I mean yes i could lay in bed all day and stare at the walls for the rest of my existance but all that would do is give me bed sores, or i could not eat in protest , but that would only leave me hungry and even more upset, or i could cry until there are no more tears left (which i have done, but just not every day) which leaves me with dry burning and itchy eyes, or i could just give up on everything, but what would that profit me? Why choose to live in misery, why choose to live in heartache, why choose to dwell on the what if's the why's or could've beens. I choose to be strong, i choose to make my my angels proud, i choose faith, i choose hope, i choose to know that there are greater things in store for me. I choose to be strong and fight it out and strive for the happiness i know i deserve. as i thought about this i thought about job, and how god had tried and tested his faith, i mean this man lost his children, not just one but like what 6 or 7 ( can't remember exactly but it was a lot) not only did he loose his children but he lost crops and was stricken w/disease, yet and still through all this he kept his faith, he kept believing that god is able, even though there were those that told him to curse god and die, he still kept believeing and in the end god blessed him with double what he had before. So today i am choosing to be like Job, no matter what, i am going to do my best to hold on, and take comfort in knowing that my latter will be greater than my past, and that one day i will hold an earthly baby in my arms. I hope you will choose the same:)


Nan & Mike said...

Hi sweetie,
This post is awesome, and shows what incredible strength you do have. Everyday is a choice, and everyday is a gift...and it usually takes a long time to get to that point after loss. Since you have incredibly survived this twice this year, I think it's amazing that I hear these words come from you so early. I am in awe of you. Bless your babies in Heaven and may they watch over you and your hubby forever. love, nan xoxoxo

Andrea said...

Hello Little One,

I had reservations about sending you the email, but am so happy you found comfort in the words of the song. It seemed fitting for the path we are walking. Above and beyond anything else "you were not built to break" And, you have AMAZING strength.

What coincidence that you mention Job today, as this is what I read this morning in my devotional:

Not only did Job lose his wealth, and his health, but his own wife told hime, "Job, just curse God and die" But Job knew that God is a God of restoration.

Keep sustaining your FAITH and as it says in my devotional, there are 2 kinds of FAITH. 1) Delivering faith, when God instantly turns your situation around and 2) Sustaining faith, is what gets you through those dark nights of the soul, like JOB, when you don't know where to God or what to do...but because of your FAITH, you do. Faith tells us the BEST is yet to come :)

Love to you & Prayers

DeniFay said...

Shandrea, beautiful words from a beautiful lady!! Your strength amazes and inspires me! You are a blessing and I continue to pray for your moving forward as I agree with Andrea that we are never our old selves, but improved, stronger, more compassionate versions of our former selves! Love to you sweet friend! Keep writing, it's therapeutic!! Deni

Andrea said...

Just stopping by to send you a little love my sweet friend. My ear is open if you need me. So proud of you for starting this are resilient!


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