Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Two Weeks

it has been almost two weeks since i lost my 2cnd angel. I know this b/c i go in tomorrow for my two week check up. I'm nervous, sad and angry all at the same time. I'm nervous b/c i have to go in a waiting room with women who have bellies and baby's in their arms, i'm gonna pray that i don't break down crying in the waiting area, i'm sad of course b/c my baby is gone, and i'm angry b/c i was told everything would be alright and a wk later my precious baby was gone. So now what do i say to the doctor who told me everything looked fine, how do i react, well how will i react is the better question? i honestly don't know. All i know is that i want my baby back safe where she can grow and be warm and be loved. I know that i am tired of hearing baby announcements from people who either have like 4 or 5 already or people who complain b/c they found out they are pg. i mean if only they could understand, ( i'm not saying that i wish this on them at all, i wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy) but if they had a inkling of what we baby lost moms go through, i know they wouldn't complain or contemplate certain solutions to what they deem their problems. But now i am just rambling so i am going to enrdd here and just say "Lord give me strength"

4 comments:

Andrea said...

Tomorrow, know that I am with you in spirit and will be praying for God to give you stength. "He answers prayers and he will show you the way tomorrow"

I remember my follow up appointment and the pain associated with sitting in that waiting room with all the "bumps". And, a plasma screen tv with a video to "she's having my baby" I cried, couldn't help it, but didn't care, as I knew none of these people...let it go if you need to. I will be praying that you are surrounded by "Carefully Placed Angels on Earth"

As for what to say to your Dr., try to collect yourself enough to address your questions and concerns. Make a list of points to cover and ask that your Dr be thinking of a "future plan" after evaluating your case. Ask if you should go and see a Reproductive Endocrinologist and let your Dr advise you of where to go next. And, if you aren't comfortable with your care....then we look for another physician.

Know that I will be there with you tomorrow to hold your hand. Take a book or magazine to distract you during the wait...I would do that and it did help some, but it still hurt. My wish is that you come from your appointment with knowledge.

Love, hugs and many prayers coming your way...
xoxo

The Blue Sparrow said...

I so know how your feeling. I remember isolating myself because talking to anyone just seemed so trival and meaningless listening to their so called problems. Id just think to myself, really, your really going to sit there and expect me to care that you broke up or that you were up all night with your kid after what I just lived through? Its hard but it will get a little better with time. I remember dreading my first post delivery visit. I worried and worried but when I got there the office was empty. I didnt have to look at one pregnant belly. I will pray that yours goes the same. *HUGS*

DeniFay said...

I'm with Blue Sparrow! Praying for an empty waiting room, and Andrea gives the best advice on everything, that's how I would handle the MD too! Just know I'm thinking of you and praying for your strength, for your doctor's wisdom (both handling you appropriately and realizing how to prevent this in the future!), praying for your great support system to give you extra special love, and for Xavien to feel her mommy's love!

I surely have no words to console you, but know that I'm thinking of you often and sending you love!

Nan & Mike said...

Just sending you some extra love, the ladies above wrote beautiful things and great advice. I do pray you were ok today, please update us whenever you can, we think about you and pray for your healing everyday sweet girl. Love, nan xo

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