Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy? New Year

For the past couple of days i have been well. At least as well as i can be , no crying no moping around, but it seems as though the closer it gets to the new year the sadder i get. I'm not sad at saying goodbye to 2009 b/c it has been one of the most difficult years of my life, but no matter happy i am to say goodbye my heart aches when thinking of saying hello to 2010. Yes i wish us all a happy new year and that it is better than this one, and that things are gonna be better, but i will also be greeted with knowing that in april i should be saying hello to a beautiful little girl. But i won't and for that my heart aches. April 27 i should be holding my baby in my arms, but i won't. I still can't come to grip with that. How can i start my new year with fresh pain. I am trying so hard to hold on to hope that it is gonna be better, but right now, at this moment, i wish i could go back. Back to when my baby was safe in my stomach, growing and moving and getting all the things she needed in order to be ready for this world. If i could go back........

5 comments:

Nan & Mike said...

Hey sweetie,
It's conflicting, wanting to end the terrible year, but now wanting to start a clean slate and feeling that you cannot. I am so sorry.
Just a couple things I am trying to still live by which might just be reminders for you, hope it helps you anyhow..."put no expectations on yourself or on the year ahead, and treat yourself as though you were your best friend going through the same thing".
Love to you xoxoxo Nan xo

DeniFay said...

Just thinking of you and sending you love as we continue to navigate this difficult journey! So greatful for you to be my friend and help me along this journey! You are a blessing.

Angie said...

Dear Shandrea !

Just sending you love and hugs and know that Im thinking about you and wish you strenght and healing .
Its beyond comprehension why some things happen , God sends us obstacles in this life thats for sure .
All we can do is to hope and pray that he will give us good things in the future too and I like to believe that will happen .
Take care of you - LOve Angie

Andrea said...

Sweet Friend,

I'm enjoying the addition of the play list you have added and pray that you are well. I love "Help me Believe", as I feel like I have uttered those words so many times. We do need help to believe sometimes don't we....

The start of a new year can be both bitter and sweet. Bitter in reflecting on what we have lost, but sweet in looking forward to what we can gain.

Hugs, Prayers and Much Love to you...and may you come to know JOY in your soul once again my sweet friend.

Love you,
Andrea
xoxo

Andrea said...

Back again to listen to Help Me Believe one more time...love this song! Need to download it to my iPod. Thanks again for sharing and I'm sending you prayers, many of them :)

Love to you,
Andrea

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