Loving my angels

Tomorrow I should be 21wks. We should be halfway to the finishline. But of course time starts to fly by now. The days after he is gone. The days i needed time to move along so that something could be done to say him, drug by, but since i have been home empty, time seems as if it is on a mission and starts to zoom by. But here i sit with and empty stomach and bleeding heart wanting to beg God to let me have my precious baby back with me. sometimes i pinch myself hoping that i'm going to wake up from this dream. But it's not a dream . It's real. Tristen has joined his big brother and sister and too many angels to count. Oh how i wish i could wake up from this nightmare.


I am flesh , i will never understand Gods ways. For his understanding is far above our own. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to remember that all things are working togeather for my good. But it is hard. I can never have that perfect walk . There was only one man who walked this earth perfect in God and even he had a moment where he wanted the task to be removed. But in the mist of it all, in that moment of weakness he was yet strong and able to say "never the less, your will not mine"
So if even jesus had a moment, i know i will have plenty. I just pray i have the strength to say
"never the less your will not mine.

Forever Loving My Angels