Friday, July 16, 2010

Tomorrow I should be 21wks. We should be halfway to the finishline. But of course time starts to fly by now. The days after he is gone. The days i needed time to move along so that something could be done to say him, drug by, but since i have been home empty, time seems as if it is on a mission and starts to zoom by. But here i sit with and empty stomach and bleeding heart wanting to beg God to let me have my precious baby back with me. sometimes i pinch myself hoping that i'm going to wake up from this dream. But it's not a dream . It's real. Tristen has joined his big brother and sister and too many angels to count. Oh how i wish i could wake up from this nightmare.

I am flesh , i will never understand Gods ways. For his understanding is far above our own. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to remember that all things are working togeather for my good. But it is hard. I can never have that perfect walk . There was only one man who walked this earth perfect in God and even he had a moment where he wanted the task to be removed. But in the mist of it all, in that moment of weakness he was yet strong and able to say "never the less, your will not mine"
So if even jesus had a moment, i know i will have plenty. I just pray i have the strength to say
"never the less your will not mine.

Forever Loving My Angels


Andrea said...

Sweet Angel,

I'm holding you in continued prayer and lifting you up to the father, asking for peace to be granted and praying for the future.

I know you miss your babies...this road is so hard and tests our FAITH on so many levels. When many would have bailed you have stayed the course, as you are FAITHFUL. Continue this journey just as you started it, HOPEFUL and walking hand in hand with the Master. "He" is our constant...

Much love to you, as I keep you near to heart.

waiting41infla said...

This maybe no comfort to you, but I too have lost 2 babies and today the pain and emptiness seemed endless. When nothing worked, I sat at my desk and I wandered to your blog and read your posts and I felt connected to you as a strong, faithful, woman who will achieve success. I too pray for the strength to get up and fight another day this road to delivery which everyone else seems to be able to do effortlessly. I believe in you and I thank you for your posts. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep Believing and keep trying

Hannah Rose said...

You are so strong, Shandrea...I feel like I don't even know what to say. I pray that the Lord continues to give you the supernatural strength and peace that passes all understanding.

DeniFay said...

I love you and I know how hard it is to pray, "not my will but Yours!". And I know He knows our pain and walks in it with us!

I continue to lift you up in prayer, to pray for peace, strength, His comfort, and to know that you are so loved! Please let me know if you need anything!!!

Lori said...

Just sending you lots and lots of love...
Many hugs and prayers, friend!

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