I know that yesterday was Christmas and that this should probably be a happy post, but as of this moment I'm just not in that place. I mean yesterday and the 4 days before were awesome and I truly mean that. I had family start coming in on Wednesday and I enjoyed it because I'd missed them so much. Church was amazing Sunday. I wasn't at all worried about gifts. It did me good to see my family smile and have a good time. I was really just thankful. Thankful for what the season is really about. The Savior's birth, because had he not been born, he wouldn't have died and rose again that I may live.
today is different. I guess it's just my emotions taking over. My family has returned home and I am here alone. ( I don't mention on my blog, but without going into detail the hubs is often away because of his job) and I don't know maybe it's hormones, (more than likely it is) because I cry at the drop of a dime over the simplest things. They haven't been gone a full 24 hours and I wish I could have went with them for a bit. Well I finally got over that after a long nap.
Well hubby calls and we talk and it's not even an argument just him telling me some things that need to be done and here I am a blubbering mess again. I promise it's not even anything to cry about, but here I am crying and I can't seem to stop. And then I cry because I'm upset that I can't stop crying, and I cry as I type this , because well, I don't want to cry.
I mean I have so much to be thankful for. Yes I've had trials and hard times and heart break, but I know that my life could be so much worse. I mean no I don't think there's anything worse than the loss of a child but I know that so much more could have come on top of that, but hasn't. I have food, I have shelter , I have clothes, and much more that I could name, but yet here I sit in a woe is me mood and it sucks. Though after I finish this post I will probably want to kick myself for even writing this ( which to me equals saying it or admitting it aloud in a way) but I also know that if I don't it will eat away at me and I'll cry even more.
I just hate when I let a wonderful time get overshadowed by what I'm feeling at the moment. ugh.......................................
But hey the tears are subsiding already so I guess my writing is doing the job. So to end on a brighter note I will say that through whatever I'm feeling I am thankful for the little flutters and kicks that baby boy is giving me letting me know he's there.
Thankful for poop on the floor!
4 weeks ago