Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The waiting room

So today AF has appeared. I wish I could say that I am okay with that, but truth be told, i'm a little bumbed about it. Eventhough I know that this may be a good thing, maybe my body still needs time to heal or maybe this just isn't the time for me. But I am still a little sad about it. I want to cry but the tears won't come, I want to shrug it off but I can't do that either. But one thing i do know is that a prayer has been answered. I talked to God and told him that yes i'd like a BFP but if it's not the time then it's not the time. Yes I'd be a bit sad, (and i'm actually a little more down than i thought i'd be) but I wanted it to be in his timing. So I've gotten my answer. Which when i think about it may very well be the best one. Hubby and I talked the other morning and he let me know that he is still hurting, he still feels some sadness and just plain old wants his son back. He doesn't want to go through that heartbreak again. Yes he still wants children but he is still hurt over this past year and a half. He told me that each time he has lost a piece of himself. So in typing this and seeing what was actually said, maybe it just isn't the time for us yet. So I am yet again in the waiting room, holding to hope and as marie says an "expected end"
Loving My Angels


Kara said...

Hmmmmm. I'm sorry Shandrea that you aren't pregnant this month. Hugs!! But praying that it WILL happen - in God's perfect timing for you and your husband.

Antoinette said...

I love how you ended this...((hugs)) for your husband. its so hard for the men sometimes we forget cause they 'act' like they are keeping it together. the love you both have is so inspiring xoxo....i am keeping you close and YES "awaiting your expected end" with you...AF is a meanie!! xoxo love you

Jessica said...

Oooo I'm sorry hun but I'm glad that you know that it is best in God's time. I heard this song the other day and the chorus hit me...
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when youre talkin to the man upstairs
That just because he doesnt answer doesnt mean he dont care
Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

Just wanted to share that - much love to you!

DeniFay said...

How sweet that hubby told you how he felt, sometime they are so vague! AF sucks, but you're right, you want God's timing and it will come, when He deems it! Love you so very much!

Andrea said...


Sending you love, prayers and a BIG HUG in this very moment. Beauty does come from the ashes and even though we know that is true the heart still aches for what we've always will. However, we cling to his hem and grasp his hand and walk the FAITHFUL walk. And KNOW that He WILL provide.

I won't give the speil about perfect timing, as I always hated people telling me that, but it is very true. Just not what my ears wanted to hear :) Guess HE showed me!

So happy that Robert opened up to you and shared his honest emotions, as men harbour so much it's hard to read them sometimes. I know your heart is hurting too honey and if I can do anything for you I'm always here.

xoxoxo your sister of the heart

Annie said...

So sorry this wasn't the month. Even if it's for the best in the long run, it's still hard.

Marie W said...

Boo to af! I can't stand the old hag. I am a big believer in the expected end, no matter what form it comes in. You know I am always praying and thinking about you and hubby. I fully believe that your expected end is on its way. Love and hugs my friend!

Angie H said...

Hi Shandrea !

Oh how dissapointing with AF at the end of the 2 ww!
So sorry ! I know how hard it is to build up hope and then be dissapointed .
Maybe it was yet too early considering you had your surgery done so recently .
So sorry , but what can we do other than to look forward to the next cycle and keep hoping .
Its so beautiful how you and Robert talk , that he is able to open up about his feelings .
Its so good that you support eachother on this journey.
Im still on the 2 ww and its a nerve -wrecking wait , its day 11 po now so I have a few more days to go .
Im pending between wanting to be pregnant and not wanting it because of fear of another loss...oh you really need a strong mind to be able to continue this journey....
I pray your month will be next month .
Sending you hugs !

mrsnice777 said...

AF sucks when TTC!


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