That's exactly how i feel right now. Right at this moment. As if i am on the sidelines watching everyone else. Wondering if i will ever get my turn. It seems as there are so many in the game at this moment. and then there is me. Just watching everybody else pass me by. Don't get me wrong I am truly happy for all of my BLM's and even some who are not. And no it's not fair that I cry for myself when i hear of others who have been blessed with what i want so much, but it's when I know their stories and or circumstances that it makes me hurt. It makes me wonder, why them and not me! Today my SIL (#2) called to let me know that she is pg . She said she wanted to tell me b/c she didn't want me to hear it from anyone else. I greatly appreciate that about her, but it still doesn't stop my heart from hurting. I love her dearly , but it still hurts. Here I sit with a husband and a home full of room for babies, but yet it's still just him and I and my step kids when they stay over. and not to put her business out I will just say that she is going through some things. And though she is I will say that it was known that she wanted another baby (she has a son already). I guess at the moment I am just jealous and I know that isn't of God, but right now at this moment I just don't get it. I hurt and i wish I didn't . I wish i could be happy and give her the support that she is going to need without feeling that way I feel, but I just don't know how right now and I really really want to.
Lord I hope this isn't a test, because if so i am failing miserably at this moment.