Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Time Flies

It's amazing how time flies after loss. It's amazing how fast the rest of the world moves along while you are slowly putting one foot in front of the other. I would be 29 wks tomorrow if xavien were still here with me, or if camron had made it to his due day he would be six months right now. With camron i was in that naive pg bliss, but i do remember being anxious to be far enough along to feel him move, and somehow time still seemed to move somewhat slow. With xavien i was in a hurry to make it past that 18wk mark (had i known the results maybe i would have just sat still and enjoyed her while she was with me)so that i could breathe again and of course the weeks seemed to drag by, i felt like one week took a whole month. But after the loss of my angels it seems as if time is moving at super speed, the weeks are just falling away, the world is moving on, everybody is all happy and smiles again, my real life friends who know of my loss seemed to have moved on as if all is wonderful and of course in their world it is , and i am stuck, looking around and wondering, why couldn't time have moved this fast when i was pg, why now does it seem that time is flying, and why can't i keep up with it? They say time flies when you're having fun, which is true in some cases but time also flies when you're missing your angel.

8 comments:

Nan & Mike said...

Well put. No one IRL brings up our loss unless they see I have done something...like you cannot miss the butterfly decals on our car, or if I add something to the garden. Its our right to bring it up whenever we feel we need to, so don't forget that. It's "usually" in the back of everyone's mind, but they don't want to upset us or say the wrong thing. I wish pregnancy bliss was able to be felt again, as I remember with my girls that I was the calmest I had ever been in my life, nothing bothered me, the world could have been falling apart around me and I was cool. *sigh*
Love and hugs always, Nan xo

Andrea said...

Yes, time goes by fast but I like to think that now we slow down to enjoy, appreciate, and reflect on life - this can be a positive thing! I think that when we are ready we may catch back up to speed, but we will always have the ablility to slow back down too.

Andrea said...

Grace,

*tears* Time does fly when you're missing your angels.

Today, I had these same thoughts. Christian would have been 2 months old. I should be giving him his very 1st Valentine :( I suppose he is going to have the most glorious Valentines day ever...in heaven.

God ease our pain and fill our hearts with more than grief...we beg you. We know we will be happy and whole again, we just have to trust in you and believe in your plan. The Master's Plan, beautiful sculptor of all things perfect.

Yes, the IRL friends forget, but a Mother's love is eternal and we never forget, never. I suppose I will always have a hole in my heart...but my little firefly shines forever.

xoxo and praying that you find peace, that we all find that deep inner peace.

Love you my Kindred Spirit

DeniFay said...

Oh sweet friend how I know that IRL friends seem to forget, even my husband seems to forget so often! It's weird how life goes on and we are all moving forward, but there is part of us that just feels frozen in that loss. Our babies are forever a part of us and that is a blessing.

I picture all of our angels running around in Heaven having fun together and sending us peace and love.

Wishing I could take away your pain, but knowing that together we'll continue to move forward with HOPE and BELIEVE that there are better things to come!! Hugs!!!

Jennifer Ross said...

It goes by so very fast, and yet, it still feels like yesterday.

((hugs))

klarsen said...

I couldn't have said it any better. Big hugs and lots of love xxx

The Blue Sparrow said...

I agree, I couldnt have said it any better myself. Also, there is a suprise for you at my blog in honor of your angels. Happy Valentines!

Brie said...

I just found your blog and am so thankful that you have chosen to write about your experience. I have lost 3 consecutive pregnancies..and understand the what if's/ why me's that you speak of..My heart goes out to you and your husband and I look forward to following yoru journey.

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