Wednesday, January 27, 2010


This may seem silly but had to post it anyway because it's just been bothering me. I can't go to IHOP, this used to be my most absolute favorite place to eat not matter what time of day, now it's just the reminder of the loss of my xavien. A reminder of a perfect day that ended in tragedy. It was Nov.25 my mom drove to my house a couple of days before and i rode back to my hometown with her and my sister. That morning my sister had a doc. appointment ( she was around 31 wks pg mayber farther) that morning, so after my mom, she and i, met up with my grandmother and her friend at IHOP, my order got kind of mixed up but when they finally got it right it was the best meal i'd had there in a long time, the pancakes were great, so fluffy and buttery, ( it's amazing how one can remember things as simple as the taste of pancakes) , the wheather was wonderful, the sun shining and even a little breeze. Afterwards i rode with my mom on a couple of errands that she had then we went to my grandmothers to play cards, well it was down hill from there, i went to the restroom and of course i saw blood, my mother took me to the ER, i was admitted and of course nothing but bad news, like with camron my babies feet were already protruding and there was nothing that could be done, i was already 4cm dialated so of course all i could do was wait to have my beautiful baby girl. I was admitted to L&D and spent the night there, i gave birth to my sweet angel Nov.26 2009. I held her in my arms and was amazed at how much she looked like her dad ( camron looked more like me) it was so ironic. So now everytime i pass a IHOP i am reminded of that day, everytime someone mentions that place or i see a commercial i think of that day. My favorite place is no more, it's just a reminder of the last perfect moments i had with my angel.

Is that silly?


Marie W said...

No. Its not silly. I cannot go to Wendy's. This was the last place I went when pregnant with Alyssa-Joy. {hugs}

Andrea said...


There are many places and even smells that send me into tears. It's all so normal, and part of life after loss. I hate the song "she's having my baby", as my Dr has a large screen TV in her office and that song plays along with rotating photos of couples who'v just given birth. And, there I sat...devastated. I can't even look at Christian's u/s photos, which should be beautiful, but instead they are haunting.

Someday...someday we will conquer these feelings, but just not today.

Much love my sister of the heart

DeniFay said...

Definately not silly! Those reminders are so hard & it breaks my heart for you! I still am in awe of your grace in talking about your loss of your sweet angel babies & pray you never know that pain again! I'm praying that we all become earthly mommies this year and that we continue to surround each other with love as the waves of joy and sadness come!! Hugs & love to you my amazing friend!!!

DeniFay said...

Look how cute you and your husband are!! Love that picture, I know your babies are gorgeous!!!

Agnieszka said...

Hi Shandrea !

What a pity you cant enjoy your favourite place to eat anymore ...
I have a similar experience .
When I was pregnant I got cravings for eating meat and used to go to a hamburger -place that has the best burgers in town.
I could never go back there after the m/c and still havent been there .
Every time I pass it I think about my loss.

Sounds like this is a normal thing ; )

Oh its so strange all the emotions you have to go through isnt it ?
I just wish we could always be happy and calm .
Wish you a good day dear Shandrea and know that I think about you often and always wish you well and pray for you that you and your hubby ( what a nice couple you are ! ) soon will be parents to earthly babies too.
Love ANgie H

Jennifer Ross said...

No, that is not even close to silly. I don't have a lot of words right now. I just feel really run down with grief. Just tired of being tired. Just know that there are many things that aren't the same for me anymore either. Thank you for the comments that you have been leaving. They are priceless to me. You're in my heart and prayers.

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