Saturday, April 14, 2012

3 Years In Heaven

Today is a wonderful yet bittersweet day. Today marks 3 years in heaven for my sweet boy, my firstborn Camron. But today also marks one month for my rainbow, my baby boy ( in every since of the word, he has 3 siblings that came before looking down on him) Jace. It's amazing how in the beginning days and even the weeks after I look at jace and think of all the things Cam would have been. I wonder if he would have looked the same a J or if he would learn as fast as J. I think about how much I love him even though I had to say good bye to him and I think about how much more in love I would be with him today had he made it. But the one think I do know he was my first born. The one who showed me what it was like to fall in love in a way that I never knew existed. He taught me true compassion, he taught me that everyone has a story, I may not know or can relate but there is a story. He taught me to be more kind, to love deeper, to see the joy in the little things. He taught me how precious life truly is no matter when it begins or ends. But it is all precious. And today as I smile at my Jace I will be thinking of him. I will be thanking him, for looking after his little brother. Jace smiles a lot in his sleep and it leaves me wondering if he's seeing angels and if he's seeing his brothers and sister as he sleeps. Through all of this I know for sure ( if i didn't truly know for sure) that one thing is true though I have my miracle here on earth, I will always love and never forget my first miracle that now resides in heaven. Happy Three Years in Heaven my sweet Camron. Though I wish you were here with me I know that you are in the best place you can be. Know that my love for you only grows, that I still remember you and that you matter. To me you matter. You are missed and truly loved no matter what. I Love you !

7 comments:

Ann said...

Thinking of you Shandrea! Even though your rainbow baby is here, you never forget his siblings. It truly is bittersweet. I am so thankful to have my rainbow baby as well, but it is a reminder of everything I missed with my angel baby. Sending you lots of love and continuing to pray for you and Jace.

Michele said...

Thinking of you and all yourbabies, especially Cam today.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

What a sweet post for your precious angel Camron. Sending you ((HUGS)) and praying for your heart to begin to heal with his brother Jace filling it with joy.

Angie H said...

Hi sweetie !

I love your post for baby angel Camron ,its so loving and sweet!
I love when you write that baby Jace is smiling in his sleep, that is one of the best things I know : to see a baby smile , in some way it heals your heart even if it makes you wonder how his siblings would have been....
Sending you lots of love and know I keep praying for you and Jace and his little siblings in heaven / Angie

Dawn said...

What an incredible & long journey you have been on. Happy birthday to your precious angel in heaven.

Nan & Mike said...

More and more love to the sky...lit my candle for Cam xoxoxo

Melissa said...

Happy heavenly birthday Cam! What a beautiful post Shandrea!

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