Such is this Life

It's been a while since i have written and it's crazy because I have had so many thoughts , but just haven't been able to put them down. Probably because half of them weren't complete and the other half I couldn't realy explain in order to put them down (if that makes since). Lately I've been thinking about the things I want in my life and of course becoming an earthly mom is a major part of that. So much so that I'm having a somewhat hard time fitting the rest of my life into that. I would like to find at least a part time job, but I haven't worked in a year due to the times i was pg and was scared to do anything for fear of losing my baby (which of course that still happened). Then there's the fact that I want to go back to school. I want to start out with phlebotomy b/c that's only 4months , so i could get my foot in the door of the healthcare field, then while working in that field I want to go to school for nursing. It's my way of giving back. To show the kindness and caring that i wish i had gotten when I lost camron. But of course I also want to be a mommy and if when i become pg at the time of being in school that may interfere with my schooling and there's also the fact that if when I become an earthly mommy I know i won't want to leave my baby at home while i have to return to work. But then the latter I can deal with, I just really want to one day (soon have and earthly bundle of joy born from my womb)(geesh i hope that doesn't seem to harsh, but at this point that is what i truly want) I still get amazed at how much of my life this journey that I am on takes up, how it affects every facet of things I want to do, but i guess such is the life of a BLM. And even through it all I still have hope and I still know that God is doing something great in me and for me, I just sometimes wish that he'd put a rush on it. ;O/ Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Phil 4:6