Friday, April 1, 2011

Such is this Life

It's been a while since i have written and it's crazy because I have had so many thoughts , but just haven't been able to put them down. Probably because half of them weren't complete and the other half I couldn't realy explain in order to put them down (if that makes since). Lately I've been thinking about the things I want in my life and of course becoming an earthly mom is a major part of that. So much so that I'm having a somewhat hard time fitting the rest of my life into that. I would like to find at least a part time job, but I haven't worked in a year due to the times i was pg and was scared to do anything for fear of losing my baby (which of course that still happened). Then there's the fact that I want to go back to school. I want to start out with phlebotomy b/c that's only 4months , so i could get my foot in the door of the healthcare field, then while working in that field I want to go to school for nursing. It's my way of giving back. To show the kindness and caring that i wish i had gotten when I lost camron. But of course I also want to be a mommy and if when i become pg at the time of being in school that may interfere with my schooling and there's also the fact that if when I become an earthly mommy I know i won't want to leave my baby at home while i have to return to work. But then the latter I can deal with, I just really want to one day (soon have and earthly bundle of joy born from my womb)(geesh i hope that doesn't seem to harsh, but at this point that is what i truly want) I still get amazed at how much of my life this journey that I am on takes up, how it affects every facet of things I want to do, but i guess such is the life of a BLM. And even through it all I still have hope and I still know that God is doing something great in me and for me, I just sometimes wish that he'd put a rush on it. ;O/ Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Phil 4:6

7 comments:

cgd said...

Lots of love sweetie.
I have spent a long, long time living in these hypothetical place-what if I get pregnant, what if I have a baby..... and on and on and on. I try really hard to just make choices that work right now and makes decisions based on the information I have in front of me in the moment. That may mean I need to modify things if I do get pregnant, but frankly, that sounds like my kind of problems.
I wonder if you started school, are you able to withdraw or take a medical leave if your situation changes. I would hate to see you not pursue your dreams of both nursing school and motherhood.
P.S. I am so very thankful for your support and to be able to have you on this journey with me. Your strength and faith are inspiring.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I know how much you want your earthly baby and I wish you didn't have to wait. In my heart I believe that you should do the schooling and move in the direction of helping others. I think it will be good for you. ((HUGS))

mrsnice777 said...

It's good to hear from you! ((((hugz))))

Hoping all your dreams come true soon!
Jamie

Antoinette said...

<3 you

Annie said...

How frustrating! It's hard to plan anything in life when you've been slammed down so hard over & over. If you did the phlebotomy could you drop it if you get pregnant & then come back and finish later? I know for me it's helped to have some goal to work towards but I only sign up for things that are easy to cancel or quit if need be.

Deni said...

How do we make all of the things we want work out just so when we're so not in control of all of the aspects. If it were up to us we would have a baby when we tried and then be able to make further decisions from there, but that has not been our lot has it? I'm praying for some wisdom and guidance for you in making these choices and always sending you so much love!

Holly said...

Phlebotomy and nursing are both good choices! I pray that God will guide you in the right direction and show you where He wants you to be.

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