Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I was on my way home from dropping my sister at school and out of nowhere (of course leave it to grief to just sneak up on you) I began to think. It's only April and yet I find myself somewhat saddened over next month. One would think that I'd be excited seeing as how it is my birthday month, but another shadow looms over me instead. Mother's Day. I am so very happy for my kindred spirits who now get to celebrate this day with earthly angels, but I am at this moment so very sad for myself. And the funny thing is , it's not that I don't have my babies here, that bothers me the most. It's the fact that there will be people telling me "Happy Mother's Day", but it won't be for the reason I would hope they would. They will be saying it for the fact that I am a step mom. Not because I have 3 angels in heaven, not because I am a mother in a most unconventional way, Not because I gave birth. Sometimes I sit and think that , "Hey, I'll just stay in and turn off my phone, and lay in bed all day". But that wouldn't be me. My God did not give me the spirit of fear. I also know that he can work a miracle, that I can do all things through him. So what will I do? I will put on my big girl panties, and brave the day. I will even brave this moment. I will be still and know that he is God. Though tears may flow and my gets heavy, I will hold on and I will be encouraged. And of course when I need to let it out, I will come here.

7 comments:

Michele said...

Hugs, dear one... You are a mother. Truly... in EVERY sense of the word.

Deni said...

People won't tell me happy mother's day for my angels in heaven either, they'll only say it b/c I'm expecting. I feel like the whole world (except my support here) has forgotten my babies and is ready to move on from that sadness and it bothers me! Remembering that you ARE a mommy and that you love Camron, Xavien, and Tristan as much as every other mother loves her children! Hugs!!

Ann said...

I know what you mean. I won't get a happy mother's day at all:( I too am dreading this holiday and it is coming way too quickly. I am praying that you will find the peace that we crave. Sending hugs and love your way.

Andrea said...

Sweetest Friend,

The though of Mothers Day is bitter sweet for me as well, as I still long for our first baby. And my heart hurts for all my precious friends who are awaiting miracles and grieving lost children.

I applaud your tenacity in looking toward the positive and embracing your FAITH. Continue to live in "him" as you always do and he will share the burden, as will I. We will carry you.

As for your step children, they are your children, as they love you so much and you are SO very good to them. Embrace what you can on that day and what you can't just feel the emotions, as you are human.

xxx

cgd said...

Mother's day is such a bitter sweet day. I have not figured out the right way to mark the day yet. Please know that you are a mother (not just a step mother). I will be honoring you and your sweet babies on that day. Holding you all in my heart.

Amanda said...

Hugs to you..I think that Mother's Day can be one of the worst holidays and one of the best..We are mothers, but it is so tough to celebrate it when we don't have any children living here on Earth with us. I can remember hating Mother's Day when we were going through our infertility struggles..we couldn't have a child, and I didn't know if we ever would be able to..I wanted to just scream every year that came around..I then had to kick myself and remember that it is about my mother too..I needed to celebrate that fact that she gave me life. I even found it hard last year to celebrate just knowing that one of my children was not here with us..Sending you love and hugs..Just know that you are being celebrated on that day by so many of us who understand!!

Angie H said...

Hi Shandrea !

You are just amazing and your strength and faith is so inspiering !

I believe you are a mother as you gave birth to you three angels and they will celebrate you in heaven .
Love you , you are amazing !

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