Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Tricked Myself

I think for a moment I'd tricked myself into thinking that if AF came next month then i'd be okay with that. But as the time nears i'm caught in between. Part of me wants to see a BFP asap and part of me is thinking that i should wait a bit. There's that word again, that word that i cannot stand but can't seem to avoid b/c of course in this new normal that seems to be one of the only sure choices i have is to........WAIT, not matter how long or short the wait is. But i am not sure if it is because some around me IRL think that i should wait or that i maybe once felt that I should. Any who, all i know now is that as it nears time for AF to appear I am more and more of a ball of mixed emotions. But i am thankful that God is my source. I know that whatever happens he is with me. I was reassured of it in sunday school as we studied these verses:

Isaiah 43
1But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall flame kindle upon thee. 3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee.

and yes he was talking to Egypt at the time, but to know that promises of God and to know that as he was there for them and with them that he is here for me and with me. So as I'm on this momentary dip of this ratchet rollercoaster that doesn't seem to want to let me off I will still hope in He who strengthens me and snuggle in the comfort of knowing that He is with me.

9 comments:

Annie said...

It's a tough ride ahead whether the BFP comes now or a little later. I'm praying that it's soon for you!

heathermohr said...

Always praying for you, Shandrea. I hope this cycle brings your BFP.

xoxoxo

mrsnice777 said...

Praying ol' AF stays away! ;-) Can't wait for your BFP!!!

Jamie

Andrea said...

Sending you <3 and know that you are in my thoughts. XOXO

Andrea said...

Sweetest Grace,

I can honestly tell you that when I entered my RE's clinic I had second thoughts as to whether or not I was ready to be there. Kind of like you feel about a positive result following your TAC. However, in my heart I KNEW (just as you know) that my greatest want was to move forward. You have done everything right honey and I am lifting you up as you face the future. I believe your future is very bright and that God will hold you safely in his grasp.

Go forward with that immense FAITH that you exude and your FAB 5 are going to be here cheering you every step of the way. For me, once I saw that BFP I was scared out of my mind and I still am, but continue to try and live in the moment. You've jumped many hurdles...now, THIS IS YOUR TIME.

Lifting you up and praying for your heart to find calm and peace. Love you tons and bunches!

xxx

Kristie said...

Shandrea, I haven't been online in such a long time, and I missed all of your news about the surgery. You won't believe this, but I met a girl in November who was going for her surgery for the exact same thing on Dec. 10. Ever since then I was thinking about you, and hoping that you were doing okay, and debating in my mind whether I should mind my own business or mention to you her situation. I'm so relieved to see that the Lord took care of it all. You are so amazing, so strong in the Lord. I'm thankful to know you Shandrea.

paula said...

don't know if this will help... iknow it can't hurt..
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
I John 4:18
Knowing that God and others love us, plus our reciprocal love for them, casts out fear. It is impossible to be brave, if we love no one and think no one loves us. Love gives the assurance that we do not stand alone, and this braves the heart.~ Leroy Brownlow

wishing you peace and love at this emotional time, but most of all love...

Lori said...

Always praying for you...praying for your heart and your heart's desires...xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

waiting41infla said...

Lifting you up in prayer. It is New Year's Eve and I am wishing you the best of luck and goodness in 2011. You have always been my inspiration for my blog and to go through my process...I know you can do this. I know you will be successful. Through it all I am praying and rooting for you always. You can do it and God will always be there by your side.

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