If anyone would have told me that this would be my life today, I would'nt have believed them. I remember when i was young having so many dreams and even when some of those dreams didn't come true I forged on and took a new path. But this journey, this journey of loss and grief is a whole different thing. I hate this pain, this grief which is just so heavy. This grief that just when I think I've handed the last of it over to God, swoops in and squeezes me with sorrow. There is no new path to take, no new turn to go down, no oppostie way to run. I can't close my eyes and blink away the pain, I can turn around and go another way, I can't find something to occupy me until something else comes along, I can't pretend it didn't happen. I can only be in it. I can only deal with it. I can only live it. I can only do my best and try and give away the pain while holding on to the good that came of such heartwrenching times in my life.
But today unfortunately is not one of those days. Not one of those moments. I can't remember the good without remembering the bad and what i lost and what i want and need so desperately. Today I feel i need my babies like i need air.
While I am ecstatic and excited and happy for others, today I am just extremely sad for me.
Loving My Angels