Xavien

One year ago today an angel grew wings much too soon for her daddy and me. A year ago today my heart was broken for the second time. A year ago today I held a sweet angels tiny body in my hands. A year ago today I cried until i thought i had no tears left, and then cried some more. A year ago today another piece of my heart went to heaven. But, today i give God thanks for you. I thank him for sending a special blessing in my life. Today i thank him because though i don't understand it I know that through the pain is a rainbow of blessings i won't have room enough to recieve. Today I thank him for allowing me peace in knowing that you are loved there more than i can imagine loving you here (and believe me i love you alot!) Today I am thankful that i will one day see you again. I am blowing kisses to heaven, sending my love on a prayer and remembering you, my sweet beautiful baby girl. You will always be my first girl, my second child, beloved and never forgotten. I will hold you in my heart forever

HAPPY ONE YEAR IN HEAVEN Xavien

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY!

Loving my Angels

I want that.......................

I know it probably has been stated quite a bit through out my blog, and I know that i am not the only one feeling this way, but tonight i just need to put it out there once more

I want to know the feeling of making it past 19wks................................
I want to feel the joy of finding out the gender of my baby because i will be preparing to say hello and not goodbye....................
I want to know the joy of feeling him/her kick for the first time and be able to look forward to many more............................................
I want to smile b/c i've reached the milestone of 24wks...............................................................
I want to see my inny(sp?) become and outty...............................................................................
I want my hubby to rub my belly.......................................................................
I want to smile because i've reached 28wks..................................................................................
I want to shop for cribs, and diaper bags and car seats..........................................
I want a baby shower..........................................................................
I want pictures of my bare belly......................................................................................
I want the excitement of getting ready to see my baby for the first time b/c I know that this time he /she is coming home with me....................................................................................
I want the tearful joy of hearing their first cry................................................................................
I want the joy of holding them for the first time as they squeeze my finger....................................
I want to see the joy in my husbands face b/c we have a blessing created in love...............................
I want the sweetness of holding him/her against my chest as i rock him/her to sleep.................
I want to hear first words and see first steps......................................................................
I want 1st and 2cnd and 3rd and more birthdays.....................................................................
I want the terrible two's and tempertantrums and potty training and sleepless nights and diaper changes and bottle feedings and lulliby's.......................................................................................
I want all of that................................................................................
and i can't wait for the day (okay well I can, b/c technically I have no choice, but still..................)







Loving My Angels

A little catching up

Lets see................where to begin. I think i will get the somewhat gloomy out the way first. Well this month will be a heavy month for me. Wait you know what i take that back, God has been working on me and given me such a peaceful spirit that I don't even understand it. But that is what he said he'd do right so I shouldn't be too surprised right;

philippians 4: 6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

But i am. Well i guess not surprised, but more amazed. I mean yes I know in my heart that God can do it, but when it's actually happening to you, it's a real eye opener (sp?) to how sovereign our God really is.

Okay let me get into the story so you can know what i mean. This month i should be a babbling mess. The 26th will mark my sweet baby girl Xavien's 1yr in heaven and then the day after that is Tristen's due date. And let me say I was truly dreading this month. But yet here i am. in one piece, at peace. Getting ready to go to my moms for the holiday. Having to look at my niece who was born 3months after cameron's due date. But i can truly sit here and say that i am okay. Yes I may shed some tears. Yes I'm going to light a candle and remember my sweet baby girl. Yes i will reflect on the fact that i should be getting ready for Tristens arrival, I'm doing that now, but i do it with a peace in my heart that I know can only be from God. He is truly an awesome God and I don't want to know where i'd be without him. I am truly thankful. For the people that he has put in my life to help me through. I am truly gratefu. For his love, for his guidence, for positive thinking, for the new things he has done and is doing in me I am truly thankful

I even stand bold on tonight and thank him in advance for successful pregnancies! (yes plural did you catch that ;o) I am believing that it will happen and not just for me, but i am hoping and believing for the hopeless as well. Don't worry if you're tired, just rest because i am believing.
Wow I guess taking time off has done me some good. God is good!

I think i am gonna stop here because if keep going it's gonna be a super long post ;O) good night all


Loving My Angels

Hello Blogosphere!

Hello Blogosphere!

Did you miss me! As you probably figured i'd taken a break from the wonderful world of blogging. A much needed break but I have really missed you. I've been catching up for the past couple of weeks, reading other blogs. Geesh it seems like I have missed so much. I'm sure i have because a lot has gone on and still going on with me since i last posted which most i will be writting up soon. Know that I've been thinking of and praying for all of you. Lots of Love ;O)

Loving My Angels