Thursday, April 22, 2010

It's Not the past

Tonight I cried. I cried at the memory of Camron being born, I cried at the fact that I no longer have him with me. I cried at the memory of holding him, I cried at the memory of his features. Not only did I cry for me, but I cried for those who truly don't understand what the loss of a child does to you. I cried for those who don't value my babies lives as I do. I cried for those who try to make it better with comments but only make it worse. It hurt , it hurt that to me it's only been a year, but to someone else it's the past. Well it's not my past, it still affects me today. So yes I will do my best to let go of the hurt, to cast it all upon my savior. But I will not let go of the lessons learned through Camron and Xavien, I will not let go of my love for them, I will not let go of how beautiful they are to me. I will not let go of the fact that though they are with God now, that he blessed me to be their mother.




Tonight ( well i guess i should say today since it's like 6am) I called on the lord and he heard my cry. He gave me comfort, he gave me peace, he gave me his word. He loves me. ....................................................................................................................................

He says in his word,

Fear thou not; for i am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen they; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness....Isaiah41:10


Thank God for helping me , for upholding me.


Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Je'sus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue and if there be any paraise, think on these things. Phil4:6-8
my babies are true ( they were born), my babies are just and pure, they are lovely , I praise and thank God for them.

I will not forget them. I will always love them, I will always thank God for them. They are a part of me. They will forever be etched in my heart.


Thank you Lord for being who you are . Thank you for showing your hand in my life.

11 comments:

Andrea said...

Sending you hugs today Shandrea!! XOXO

Kristie said...

Shandrea, I'm so sorry that the comments belittling the value of our children don't ever go away. I' sorry they don't get it, and that the majority will continue to forget and press you to forget. But you are right. As their mother it is honorable and true to their little souls to keep your love for them, to keep the memories, to keep their existence in the forefront of your mind. (as if we could do anything else) Yes, in time we feel further from the pain, but we always stay true to their spirits, we always will cherish them for the lovely little beings they are. Though others might think that they are gone, we know something they do not, and can not. WE know that they ARE. They exist differently, but they exist!

DeniFay said...

Shandrea, sweet Grace! So beautifully put. Your children are always and forever your children, they don't go away, there's never a 'used to be' with your children! Their souls are with us forever and you are right to keep remembering your babies and honoring them in all that you do! The pain lessens, but I pray the memories never do! Praying for continued peace for you!! Love and hugs!!!

klarsen said...

They are your children, always---and for as many who don't acknowledge and love them, there are 10 more who do. xxx Lots of love to you.

Brie said...

well said Shandrea. Thank you for posting.Those words and thoughts ring through my head quite often. It's just nice to know I am not alone.

Tina said...

Big HUGS to you and your sweet babies. xxxx

The Blue Sparrow said...

Shandrea, what a honest and raw post. It really struck me because my night last night went alot like this as well. Alot of crying and alot of praying. Praying for the peace of God to wash over you today. *HUGS*

Lori said...

Sweet, sweet Shandrea...bless your heart! Your words are beautiful. I'm so sorry for those who lose out on the amazing honor it is to anticipate meeting your sweet babies one day because they can't see how precious they are this very second. I'm sorry for the hurt you incur at their expense.
Loving you and thanking God for your grace and inspiration!

Nan & Mike said...

Perfectly said honey, and you speak for all of us as we all feel the same way. Sending you lots of love and hugs, you are a wonderful Mommy to your babies xxx

Marie W said...

Bless God! Thinking of you Shandrea, and remembering your Camron and Xavien with you. {hugs}

Holly said...

We'll always cry for them, whether it's with our eyes or with our hearts.

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