Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I've been thinking about my post yesterday and I feel like though it was what I was feeling at the time, I think bits and pieces may have sounded a little whiny and somewhat selfish. I know that yes I have to look out for my feelings but I also feel like it sorta seemed like I wasn't really thinking about the God I served. There have been many instances over this past month where I thought I would lose it or find myself gettting ready to have a fit and a few hours or days later he has provided a way ( I call these my "coulda had a V8" moments) because just when I fall apart he's there puting me together and then I'm looking at myself like "drea all you had to do was wait on me" then I calm down and go about my mary way until the next thing comes up. So I am telling myself now that I will calm down and hold on because I know God is able and I just have to trust him. Katy had a great verse on her pray date blog tuesday which I'm gonna put here too because it was truly what I needed to hear.

James 1:2-4
2My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

and also another verse that I have been holding too lately that seems to bring me peace

Isaiah 61:3

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

So Lord I'm here though I may be a lil impatient at times I'm holding on as best I can and waiting on you.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Short story , Long Vent.

Story: Around the end of March my sister and my niece came to stay with me so that my sister could finish school. Well she found out last month that she is pregnant. yep pregnant.

Vent: At first upon hearing the news I was okay. I don't think i fully realized what it meant for me. All I knew, all that I still know is that I want to help her so she can have a better future, a life for her and her kids, so that she can make something of herself, so that she doesn't feel like a she's a failure or doing what "everyone" told her she would do. But in knowing that I wanted to help her, I didn't take time out (at that moment) to really think about what this would do/is doing to me. For some reason I thought "hey my SIL is pg and I'm doing fine with that, but I didn't think about the fact that I'm not around her too often. But the fact is , my sister lives with me. I have to see her everyday now, I have hear about how tired she is, how sick she is and of course I'm gonna have to see that growing belly at least for 3 and a half more months. I'm beginning to think that I may not be able to handle this and I don't know what to do about it. I feel so bad for thinking about me, but I feel bad for not thinking about me. It seems that I'm the only one thinking about me. Well hubby is too, he asked me how I felt when i told him the news and I told him I didn't know. and at the time that was true because I truly didn't know. I was a mixed ball of emotions, but at the center of it I knew that I still wanted to be there for her and help her. And at the core of it I do. I just don't want to feel the way I'm beginning to feel. I'm starting to wish i would have told her when I heard the news that she will have to go back home and let my mom help her. But that's not what I want. I want her to rise above all the mean things people have told her, but now I'm at a cross roads on what to do. I mean I know I know I know in my soul that God has great things in store for me, that he will grant me the desires of my heart, that I don't have to be sad about this because my blessings are coming I know they are . without a doubt I know they are. It's just now, in this moment, I just wish............................