Today

So today is Mother's Day and my heart is in so many different places, missing the 3 little souls I wish were here with me, thanking God for the one that I have, and longing to have another earthly child to care for. I know a lot right. I'm once again a big ball of emotion and it's actually all just hit me minutes before I began this post. I know I should be grateful for what I have and trust me I am but my heart still longs for what's missing. I've been told left and right today Happy Mothers Day and it just feels weird. Jace is two and it still feels weird. I think partly b/c some ( most that are telling  me) are telling me b/c I am a step mom and a mother to Jace. I think that people think once you have a actual living child in your arms that the hurt or the missing goes away. And well........ it doesn't. Days like this just magnify it. I have three babies that are no longer here with me, I have three babies that I parent in a different way. I have three babies that I can't show people pictures of all the cute things they are doing, I have three babies that I try not to talk about too much for fear of bringing others down or their lack of understanding. So I smile and I say thank you or same to you ( to other mothers) when I really just want to say please don't tell me.


And yes I am grateful Lord knows I am so grateful and thankful for what I do have yet my heart still misses what once was (even if only for a moment) and yearns for more.......


So Today I say I pray that this day was gentle for others out there and that if there were tears I hope you got to smile as well.................


Kisses to the sky to all the babies gone too soon and Hugs to all the hurting hearts.........