4

Wow! 4 years and it's still unreal at times. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it doesn't.  Especially those days I try to remember a certain detail and I cant. And it breaks my heart. How could I forget, what kind of mother am I to him for forgetting. I mean remembering is the only way I have to parent him. I don't dream of that night anymore, It doesn't break me down like it used to. The hurt of it all is still here but it's not as bad. I can breathe and I can move and I can live.

  I was at work Friday and I looked on the wall of birthdays and there was a kid who was born the day after Camron's due date. I stood for a minute and thought wow, if my baby boy would have made it he would have been getting ready to turn four.  But instead I am hear celebrating 4yrs in heaven. Celebrating my love for him. Thinking about the life he could have, would have had. Talk about a twinge in your heart. But I take comfort in knowing that no matter what I will always love him and never stop missing him. He will always be my first born. My joy, my love and my hope. And I will forever be a mother of 4.

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN! Mommy misses you so very much. Just know that I am blowing kisses to heaven. 

Love you mommy