Friday, March 23, 2012


This is hard. There are no other words to describe the feeling of having to leave your little one at the hospital. It hurts to know that even though I have made it further than I have in any other pregnancy, that with reinforcement my body failed in allowing me to get to full term. Don't get me wrong I am very thankful that I made it to and beyond viability. I am beyond thankful that I made it to 32 weeks. But I am sad. Sad that i couldn't make it further. Sad that though I know with all my heart that he will get to come home, that I every evening since getting discharged have to leave the hospital with empty arms and come home to an empty house, a house with just me and my thoughts and feeling that I wish I didn't have. I wish that I could just be joyful in this whole thing I wish that hurt and sadness didn't creep up. I wish that I could just rejoice through it all, because I know the God I serve. The God I serve allowed me to carry my baby boy 32 weeks. He allowed him to live. He has allowed him to progress well, he has answered my every prayer concerning my son while he's in the NICU, the God I serve has surrounded my baby with nurses who I think love him just as much as I do (well not as much as me, but close to it), who give me details beyond what I ask, who allow me a lil more privileges than others probably get. So why am I crying. Because this is hard. But as I type and my tears dry I am thankful, thankful that I am in love with a beautiful baby boy who is the spitting image of his dad, who is alert, oh so lovable and most importantly mine. The sweetest gift that God could ever give me. So Even though this is hard and at times tears flow I will think of these things.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


Ann said...

Hugs to you sweet Shandrea. I can only imagine how hard it is to leave him at the hospital especially after all you have been through. Know that we love the both of you and lift you up in prayer. I believe with all my heart that the baby boy who is the spitting image of his daddy will be carried into your quiet empty house very soon. There will come a day when you won't even have memories of a quiet house:) We love you and think of you often sweet friend. Take care and rest up as much as you can so you can enjoy every second with that sweet baby boy!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am thankful that you carried him for 32 weeks.
I know this must be very hard but he is here and he is healthy. So you go, you feed him and get him up to weight to bring him home! ((HUGS))
Rest up because before you know it you are going to be very very busy.

Michele said...

Oh honey... I know those feelings well. And it is hard, so very hard.

Sending you guys lots of love and many prayers. Let me know what I can do from across the many miles that seperate us (and the love of our sweet little ones that bridges the gap).

Crystal Theresa said...

♥ sweetie. it's totally okay to be both thankful and sad. hoping your sweet boy is in your arms at home soon.

Dawn said...

Awe Shandrea I'm so sorry you can't have your little miracle home with you yet. I can't imagine how hard it is to leave him every night. Praying for your continued strength until he can be home w/you.

Angie H said...

Hi sweethearts !

I am catching up on blogs and I was so happy to see the picture of your little baby Jace !
He looks so good and looks so " big " and strong .
Thanks GOD he is doing so well ,soon he will be at home with you and then you are going to be a very busy mommy ; )
Simon has a little friend that was born on w 30 and is now 4 months and doing wonderful and developes great .
I can understand it breaks your heart to leave him at the hospital every night but soon he will be with you .
Its great that you are able to breast -feed him - he is going to grow so quick ; ) and be a healthy baby .
Thinking about you and baby Jace daily and praying for you daily too.
Love Angie

Melissa said...

I can only imagine how difficult that may be. Try to hold onto how much your body did right, and have faith that your little guy is in good hands and will be home with you soon. Hugs!

Deni said...

Just sending love, hugs, and prayers for that baby boy to fatten up ASAP!!!! All of these feelings are completely understandable and you are free to feel them and embrace them, you will come out on top--you always do girlfriend because you know WHO you serve!!! Love you honey, love you tons!!!

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