Love/Hate

I at this moment am in a Love/Hate relationship with the coming weeks. There's so much to love about them yet there's things that I hate about them.

I Love that in my 16th and 17th weeks and even at the beginning of my 18th(the first day of wk 18 to be exact) that my cervix was holding strong and still looked normal.

I also Hate that in my 18th week I gave birth 5months too soon.

I Love that in my 16th week I began to get my energy back. That I could move around and at least have the energy to fix me a decent meal.

I Hate the fact that I didn't get to enjoy this stage of pregnancy very long.

I Love that I began to feel the baby's kicks at the beginning of my 18th week.

I Hate that this feeling didn't last very long.

I Love the fact that this time reminds me of when I first learned what it meant to fall in Love a way that you never knew could exist.

But I Hate the fact that it reminds me of the greatest losses in my Life.

Yes this point and time is like a roller coaster ride with a lot of dips and loops.

But never the less I LOVE the fact that in those dips i am still looking up . That I still have Hope that I am looking forward to seeing 18wks and beyond. That my trust is not in these emotions that can sometimes be all over the place, that aren't always the same. But my trust is in the One who sits high and looks low. The One that has carried me through grief that heals me, that holds me and that comforts me. And that I could never hate.