The end of last year, well probably most of last year was a season of lessons for me, although I didn't learn until this year, there were still lessons. Some quite difficult to say the least. In it I learned a lot about myself, a lot about people and well a lot about life. I've learned ( even though I still have to catch myself at times) that I have a choice in my having joy. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be sad. A simple choice....no but a choice never the less and well last year I did a lot of going off of how I felt at the very moment I was feeling it and well lets just say the choices I made on how to feel or think weren't the best. But new years eve I made up my mind that I would no longer be led by my emotions, but I would take time I would think and I would choose to be happy, think positive and or keep my joy. Even now there are times when that choice has been proven to be somewhat difficult and I may slip up every now and again but I have been on a great road of looking up.
I've also learned that I have to live for me. Well for God first then me. I've always been one that if I called you friend or family it really meant something to me. I value those relationships and hold them in high regard, and there have been times when the smallest thing has caused a person to throw me (i.e our friendship) aside over something that to me was not a big deal it's only happened maybe a handful of times but each time crushed me. Because friend or family when I love I love hard and I let nothing come between no change my feelings or deter me away from that relationship so when someone decides to toss me aside ( not literally but that's how feel) over a menial disagreement it hurts especially when I thought we were "better than that" so to speak. So I'm learning to not let people make or break me. Not saying that I will no longer love hard or care because that's just in me, but I will keep my head up keep moving and put my focus on those I know without a doubt are there for me. I will pour all of my love into my husband and son and others that will allow me to, but I refuse to allow myself to be broken anymore by man/woman.
And lastly this is lesson I've learned time and time again but really just hit home today. Life is short. It really really is . This morning I found out a classmate of mines brother passed away this morning, I knew his brother I'd talked to his brother. He was only a couple of years ahead of us. Gone just like that. Someone you would think "He has his whole life ahead of him, he's young , he's got plenty of time" Gone within the blink of an eye.
I've been thinking for some days now about how Life is short and today really drove it home. I think about how we treat one another at times. How angry we can allow ourselves to get with one another, how we cut people off or out of our lives without realizing there's a bigger picture at hand. That it's easier to love to be kind to be genuine. To me it takes too much energy to be angry. Not only that I'm not promised tomorrow, I'm not promised the next minute or second and I don't want my last words to anyone to be unkind. But I want to love as God calls me to love. And so I will. I know that I may not succeed in these things everyday or every moment of everyday but I am making the conscious decision to do my best.
I think I am done with this rambling and if anybody is still out there reading I hope you choose the same. I hope you choose love, joy, laughter and kindness as well.......
