Her Month

So I finally have a moment to write with a somewhat clear head. This year has been a mix of emotions for me, with it seeming like sometimes more bad than good but yet (through the grace of God) I am still here, still surviving and still smiling...........

This year has gone by fairly fast and this month, her month has quietly snuck up on me......I don't know if it's because of me chasing around her little brother, or the baby fever  ( that post to come later) or the other million things going on around me that it didn't hit me like a ton of bricks. But lately in the few quiet moments I've had it has dawned on me in 5 days it will be the day that I said hello and goodbye way to soon to my precious baby girl........ my how time has flown but yet when I see someone's daughter or even look at my nieces or even look at Jace, I wonder..... what would she have been like, who would she have looked like, would she be as stubborn as me, would she be a daddy's girl, would she be a girly girl and love Barbie dolls like I did?

I think about that day, the loneliness the sadness and the pain....... I also think about the love I had then and the love I have now......How no one will or ever can replace her how no one will or ever can replace any of them..... and though this is deemed the month of Thanksgiving to me this will always be her month and I will always be thankful for her..... thankful that I got to hold her at all thankful that I got to feel her kicking in my belly, thankful that I got to call her mine even if only for a little while.......


I Love you Xavien and this will forever be you Month!