Thursday, October 10, 2013


I remember when I first began this ride. I remember it being a series of dips, hills, drops, slow rises, steady track and this doing it all over again. Sometimes the falls and dips and drops felt like forever. Sometimes it felt like forever to make back to the top of the hill only for the straight track to only last a few seconds before plummeting back down again.

Then I remember time going by and the drops didn't take me by surprise as much. I mean they still took my breath away but there were more times that I saw it coming and was able to brace myself. The straight tracks lasted minutes instead of mere seconds and I was able to hold on a lil longer during the ride.

And now here I am 4yrs since Camron and Xavien, 3yrs since Tristen and a year and a half with my rainbow Jace. I can now see a drop before it comes. I can now brace myself and catch my breath. My straight tracks last a little longer and though I know this is a ride I will be on forever I can even smile.

I remember there was a time I wished with all I had that I could just get off this ride and be done with it. I was tired of the hurt tired of the pain and at times just tired of being. But now I sit on this ride without resistance I hold on tight and I persevere. I sit in this seat In a row of so many other hurting hearts who have had to hop on without a choice. I cry for us, I smile for us, I remember for us and I hold on for us, for those who are just getting on and can't hold themselves I hold them, I hold there hands I pray. For those who have been on it before me or are at the place I am I hold their hands, embrace them pray with and for them I remember with them and I encourage them all while doing the same for myself.

On this ride I miss my angels, I remember them I love them I honor them and I mother them........

Forever loving my angels


Deni said...

Love you honey and all 4 of your babies!

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