Monday, October 8, 2012

I know I know it's been a while since I've written anything and I wish I could say that this was gonna be a post about jace and how he's grown and all the wonderful things he's doing. But it's not. Tonight is about thinking that you aren't as affected by this journey as you once were, that sad as it is, you are a pro at this and you have it under control that you will handle things better than you did when it was fresh, and then out of nowhere it hits you and you're in pieces again like you were the first and or second time. Tonight as I held my rainbow in my arms a picture of me holding and saying goodbye to my second angel popped up in my head. Next month will make 3yrs in heaven and I miss her like it was only yesterday that held her and cried and told her goodbye.

I miss her, I wish she and all of them could be here with me. My heart is full and it's heavy and I don't know what to do at this moment except let the tears flow..............

I love and miss you Xavien so very much.


mrsnice777 said...



Debby@Just Breathe said...

We had a question to day on my Wednesday Hodgepodge about a cliche that you don't like.
I chose "Time heals all wounds" because it doesn't. I'm sorry for the low times. ((HUGS))

mrsnice777 said...

For my Shandrea! ((hugz))

I’ve been nominated for Liebster Award and wanted to pay it forward by nominating your blog for one too!

The Rules:
1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
2. Answer the 11 questions the person giving the award has set for you.
3. Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to.
4. Choose 11 people to award and send them a link to your post. Go to their page and tell them.
5. No tag backs.

Happy blogging!

Andrea said...


Just let the tears flow....its all you can do. The fact that you "feel" those emotions is a beautiful thing, it's cleansing. I hold Lleyton sometimes and tears fall, as I still (and always will) want for my first, my Christian. Many hugs to you sweetest friend. Many think this journey is simplified once you hold an earthly child in your arms. But, in reality, that is when it really gets complicated. Emotions that are just sometimes unexplainable.

Loads of hugs and prayers your way

Angie H said...

Hi Shandrea !

I havent read blogs for a while , therefore I am late commenting, I hope you feel better again but in some way the longing for our angels is always there in our hearts ,to get to know our earthly child is an amazing gift but it makes you wonder how our angels would have been if they got to stay here with us on earth, its so bittersweet again.
I think its ok to grieve what we lost and what could have been , it is a proces and its painful .
Again we learn that joy and sadness can coexist :
We love our earthly babies more than life yet we grieve what could have been ...
You are not alone sweet friend .
I think its good that you embrace your feelings and let it out , otherwise your heart can get hard and bitter and that would heart the people near you .
Sometimes I find it hard to get my feelings out , I want to be " over it " even if Im not ( those things takes time , years .....)
I need to come back to reading blogs to connect with my feelings

Sending you and Jace a lot of love and thinking about your angels / Angie

Anna said...

you answered one of my fears does time really heal? i lost my baby little over 3 months ago and I see that with you it will be 3 years. I guess they'll always be a part of us ♥♥♥

Post a Comment