Monday, March 25, 2013

A day of a Different kind

So one birthday has come and now a day of a different kind is fast approaching. Camron's 4th angelversary. Sometimes it feels like forever and other times (more often than not) it feels like it just happened yesterday. I don't have the dreams of that day as often as I used to and that's okay because it allows me to cry a lot less and just remember how much I loved/love him and to just think on the good things. 

I miss him so much. I look at Jace and often wonder if he would have looked the same. I wonder if all of them would have looked like him or how much of a difference there would have been between them. But again I am thankful. I'm thankful for everything that he taught me. He is my first born, and my first love and that will never change. 

Right now I am okay. I started counting down the day of Jace's birthday because ( what are the odds they are 1month apart) my first angel boy and my first earthly boy.

Loving my Angels & Rainbow

Thursday, March 14, 2013


 It's sometimes  hard to believe that I am here 1 year later celebrating an earthly birthday. I am so amazed and in awe of this little wonder that I have been blessed to parent here on earth. He is such an amazement to me. I don't think I've every hugged him as much as I have today. I've sung happy birthday a zillion times. He's walking, talking ( not actual words, well a few) and mocking everything he sees. And I sit and look at him in amazement. I still remember the day he was born, how scared I was, how hard I cried. I remember the days in the NICU hoping and praying that he would be okay. I remember the doctors telling me how good he was doing. And I remember the day we brought him home. He was so tiny. I could put both of my hands together and he'd fit right there. That is no longer so, I find myself having to actually hold him on my hip, it takes both of my arms wrapped around him to hold him securely and I love it. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Yes he made an early arrival, but that's okay because yet and still he was right on time. He was and is the very thing I need. He is my joy, my light, and my love.

Who would have thought that .......  4 Pregnancies, 3 miscarriages, 2 surgeries  would result in this miracle born March 14th 2012 @ 9:22 p.m  weighing  3lb 5.6oz. 

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.